Br. Robert's Vocation Story

Four years have passed since I first entered Immaculate Heart of Mary Seminary in Winona, MN. After attending Mt. Carmel High School in Chicago, I decided to go to St. Mary's University of Minnesota (even though I was not practicing my faith regularly). Reflecting back, I realize how greatly Our Blessed Mother guided that decision. Although I did not enter the seminary initially, I did meet a first-year seminarian on campus the very first day that I arrived. Over the next two years, I began listening to Catholic CDs and reading good books, returning to the Sacraments of the Eucharist and Confession, participating in several retreats, and receiving much-needed spiritual direction. Most importantly, I was given the grace to hunger and thirst for daily prayer before the Blessed Sacrament.

Slowly, I realized there was more to my person and life than the empty promises and counterfeits that the world was constantly selling. It was through the Catholic Church's true teachings (often thought unpopular and therefore false), that I found deeper communion, objective truth, and a Church that never ceased to demonstrate Christ's authority. This increased awareness helped illumine the ways the Devil had manufactured lies in my life. These lies stood in the way of authentic and lasting happiness. I realized that there was more to the Catholic Church and the priesthood than I could ever imagine. After a year of debating with myself if I should enter the seminary or not, I decided to surrender to God. My conscience was stung by the awareness that I had previously lived every year of my life for myself. After taking so many baby steps, I finally took a leap of faith and decided to give just one short year to God by entering the seminary. I was determined to place my life in His hands since that is where I began.

Initially, I did not have much support from family or friends. Since my mother was not practicing her faith and was struggling from the many wounds of an abusive past relationship with my father, she could not comprehend my decision to pursue priesthood. Meanwhile, my father was continuing to abuse alcohol daily and suffer from drug addictions. However, Jesus constantly filled me with an immense interior joy and confidence that left me astounded by the richness, beauty, and joy of listening to the Gospel. As His Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI, has so truthfully written, “There is nothing more beautiful than to be surprised by the Gospel, by the encounter of Christ.” Still there were to be more surprises.

After two years in the diocesan seminary, I began to be interested in religious life. Since I had always had a strong devotion to St. Therese of Lisieux and to Carmelite spirituality, I first considered the Carmelites. However, even after looking at several different orders, nothing felt right, not until, while visiting my family near Chicago, I found myself at St. John Cantius Parish. I had recently heard about this Society's growth and zeal for restoring the sacred, but finding the church was an unexpected surprise. I returned the next day and attended Sunday Mass and left overwhelmingly edified with the solemnity that was so evident.

The following summer I spent a week visiting the Society of St. John Cantius. I was introduced to the Society's mission to “help Catholics rediscover a profound sense of the sacred through solemn liturgies, devotions, sacred art and music, as well as instruction in church heritage, catechetics and Catholic culture.” That same summer I participated in a program sponsored by the Institute for Priestly Formation that tries to help seminarians learn the discernment of spirits. During the summer I developed an intimate prayer life, received courses related to priestly spirituality, and met weekly with a gifted spiritual director. He wisely encouraged me to simply come to know the Holy Trinity and Mary more intimately in prayer before making any decisions about entering the Society of St. John Cantius.

During the next year of theology and major seminary I would continue to discern whether my call was to enter religious or diocesan life. At the end of the year, our class began the “Pilgrimage of the Saints.” Visiting holy places like Lourdes, Fatima, Rome, and Lisieux during these eight weeks provided clarity for my vocation to the priesthood. During this pilgrimage experience of being on God's time, my classmates and I traveled to Ars, France, and the home of St. John Vianney, the Patron of Parish Priests. While in Ars, through the intercession of this sensational saint, I experienced several strong moments of prayer that strengthened my faith in a call to enter religious life.

After contacting Fr. C. Frank Phillips, the founder of the Society of St. John Cantius, this past August, I was informed that I would need to repay my student loans from undergraduate studies of philosophy before I could enter. This task is a trial of my vocation, but St. James reminds us to count it a pure joy when we are faced with trials because they will perfect our endurance (1:2-4). If Jesus wants me to enter, then I do not need to fear; it will happen. Fiat voluntas tua! I could not be fearful of the many trials and mortifications soon to arrive. Rather as St. Therese beautifully declares: “My God, I choose all! I don't want to be a saint by halves, I'm not afraid to suffer for You, I fear only one thing: to keep my own will; so take it, for I choose all that you will!”

I recall how my mother never knew how she would pay for my Catholic grammar school education. Next she never knew how we would pay for my Catholic high school education. Now, I am not sure how God's Providence will assist me in paying for my college education in order to enter the Society of St. John Cantius, but I do know that He will provide. Most of my student loans were needed in order to receive a strong Thomistic philosophical education while in the seminary. I have dedicated my last five summers to our Holy Church and have not been able to begin repayment towards my loans.

Finally, my decision to discontinue from diocesan seminary in order to enter the Society of St. John Cantius means that I will need a minimum of three additional years of formation before ordination. Furthermore, if I do not have my student loans paid by this summer, it will require an additional year of work and, consequently, an additional year before entrance and ordination. I could have easily returned to the diocesan seminary and been ordained a diocesan priest, but Mary and Jesus were leading me in a different direction. I now trust that the essential delays will not be lengthened due to my financial situation. My new position at Mt. Carmel Youth Ranch helping young men become holy and prayerful men of God will not be sufficient to repay all my loans. I have been called by the Lord in many ways, but now I ask you, a faithful Catholic and instrument of God's Providence, how you feel called. I need both your spiritual and financial help. Thank you very much for your time and thought, and most importantly, let us pray for each other!

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