Grace

childhood helped me to make my Catholic faith the foundation of my life. I learned to love my faith, especially as I entered high school. I made my Confirmation in ninth grade, and decided to give my life to God more intentionally from then on through daily prayer. Over my high school years, He gently pursued me, and I fell in love with Him.

I attended college at Franciscan University of Steubenville to study Theology. In the first few years there, I experienced immense growth in my relationship with God as I was drawn to daily Mass and Adoration. I began to desire Jesus above all else. Because of this deepening relationship with Him, I felt myself drawn at times towards religious life, but this draw was met with a lot of fear, as I had always wanted to get married and have a family, and did not want to give that up. During my sophomore year, I decided to serve on a mission trip in Los Angeles where I helped serve the homeless and put on retreats in schools taught by the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles.

While on the trip, one of the Sisters was taking me and my mission team to Mass. As we were getting ready to go into Mass, she pulled out her white Carmelite mantle from her bag and fastened it around her shoulders. My heart was moved so deeply by God in that moment. I perceived immediately what He was telling me: that she was truly a bride, and He was asking me to be a bride like she was, a bride of Christ. I felt that I had truly been proposed to by Jesus!

Following Mass, we went on a hike in the mountains, and as we walked my mission team had been discussing the story of the Prodigal Son. The words of the father to the elder son remained in my heart: “All that I have is yours.” The Lord has always used the beauty of nature to speak to me of who He is, or as St. Therese says, to give me “a glimpse of what is reserved for those who love Him.” As I was contemplating this and the beauty of the mountains and landscape, these words became personal to me and I began to hear the Father in my heart continually telling me, “All that I have is yours.” Through the Holy Spirit, I was able to understand what He was really speaking of was more than just His creation, but the gift of His Son. It became clear that the proposal which Jesus had just offered me was the will of the Father; that He was giving me His Son to belong to me, and for me to belong to Him. I felt as if the Trinity had so gently but clearly placed this calling on my heart as a gift and was waiting for my response. I was so overcome with gratitude that I had a deep desire to respond to this love with the gift of my whole life.

I was blessed to spend the rest of the week observing and experiencing the sisters live their vocations, and was especially touched by their spiritual motherhood as I served in their schools with them. I felt distinctly called to love God’s children in this way. Upon returning from the mission trip, God remained faithful in pursuing me, and it was clear that He wanted me to remain faithful in my discernment in return. He had met me in my desires, showing me that He would fulfill every longing to be a wife and a mother, and even amidst many fears and unknowns throughout the early stages of the journey, He has shown this to be true time and time again. An abiding peace has remained in the center of my heart throughout both trial and joy. God has shown me that He is enough to fulfill all of my heart’s desires. 

I am continually drawn to the Carmelite sisters, especially by their devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus through contemplative prayer and abiding constantly in the presence of God. From this source of prayer, they share the Lord’s love in their apostolates, and I look forward to doing the same.