Jordan

 I grew up in a rural, agricultural area of Southern Ohio, as the eldest of four. My family raised beef cattle, and I grew up in the middle of acreage and surrounded by farm life. During my childhood, Adams County was a predominantly Protestant and Evangelical landscape. Catholics were less than .5% of the total population of the County. I was surrounded by friends and classmates throughout school, sports, and arts activities that were other faiths than me. Probably most notable, were the large populations of Baptists, Pentecostals, and Church of Christ denominations.

Growing up, a significant part of my spiritual journey was the “why” of Faith: Why do Catholics believe this or that? Why are there Protestants? What does it mean to be a Protestant? What does it mean to be a Methodist, a Baptist, or a Pentecostal? I had this deep searching and longing for Truth, and in my own limited ways, was hungrily trying to find it.

By the time I had reached my undergrad years, I would have labeled myself a “Catholic”, but probably in name only. Or perhaps more accurately, a “cultural Catholic”. I struggled with all of those questions that I had throughout my childhood and teenage years, but now amplified on a young adult scale. Questions like: “Is there a God? And if there is, why would He allow all this strife and turmoil in this world? Especially if He could fix it? Why do women have the roles that they do within the Church?” and questions of the like. Additionally, I was seeking for Truth that would reconcile the ideas of Christianity (particularly the Catholic Faith) into a way that was applicable and made sense today in the modern world.

This struggle for Truth pestered me, even though I was fulfilling what I thought I wanted, which was studying music. Due to having received my Associates degree from a community college during High School, I had more freedom in my schedule to take additional classes outside of the required music courses. I filled that time with the mandatory liberal arts courses, which included a mandatory general religious studies course. I ended up loving it. I was fascinated by these different religious practices and coursework, so much so that I ended up taking a minor in Religion. This also influenced my decision to add a “Church Music” emphasis to my major of Keyboard Pedagogy.

After graduation, I began working for a parish as the Music Director, where I encountered so many Traditions of our Faith for the first time: Eucharistic Adoration, Eucharistic Processions, Latin, Chant… and this was my first encounter with religious sisters, the Missionary Servants of the Word. In fact, I befriended a Sister named Madre Nerie who, one day, turned to me and asked, “Jordan, do you have a boyfriend? Do you want to become a Sister?” I laughed in response, and immediately told her, “No way! I’m not becoming a Sister!” But I can see now how that planted a tiny seed in the back of my mind, that wasn’t explored until much later in my twenties. Madre Nerie clearly saw something in me that I had no idea was there myself.

Through a series of God moments, there was another life transition, and I found myself as the Director of Liturgy and Sacred Music at Our Lady of Perpetual Help parish in Grove City, Ohio. It was here that, at first, I was content.

But the pestering thoughts of religious life began to surface again, to where after two years of working at Our Lady parish, I realized that I needed to do something about it. I need to take action. So I began a more formal discernment journey.

Throughout this time period of talking with religious Vocations Directors, trying to find a Spiritual Director, talking with friends, developing a more regular prayer life, the Lord was working on me interiorly. I was prioritizing the Liturgy of the Hours, Daily Mass, regular monthly confessions, and more time in Adoration, which has become a personal favorite to have conversations with the Lord. When I look back at my prayer journals over the past few years, I can see the changes: Where once I was afraid of letting go of everything, I see this peace of acceptance; where once I was afraid of letting go of my job, my friends, my life; I see that there’s an ultimate joy in the Lord’s will. That His peace, the Lord Himself, is all that I need.

The Lord was working on my heart, making me realize that all this time, He’s been trying to prompt me towards the Dominicans: The vision all those years ago of the woman in a habit, the beautiful exchange with the Nashville Dominicans, the charism of the Dominicans, the living out of Dominican life. The Dominicans priority of liturgy and sacred music, the priority of education and personal growth in virtue, the active apostolates and community life. It was like the Lord was using the “holy 2×4” and it finally clicked: He desires me to be a Dominican.

So I reached out to Sr. Charbel Joseph (Vocations Director for the Dominican Sisters: Immaculate Conception Province), and the Lord has responded in a big way in my visits to the community in Justice: I believe that He desires me to be a part of this Dominican community. I believe that this is the “spot” that I’ve been searching and waiting for all this time.

In close, I realize how the Lord has been working on the interior workings of my heart and mind, but also the exterior workings by the people He has placed in my life. He has formed me to become more and more open to the possibility of religious life, to the point where I now desire it. I am now to the point where, while music is a love of mine and a gift from the Lord, I realize that I don’t want it if I can’t have Him. God is everything, and I desire to be totally His. Undivided, and solely His.