Emily

of a very sad death of someone close to me; secondly, my association with the Missionary of Charity Sisters in South Phoenix, AZ – for almost 3 years, I have been a consistent volunteer at their “Gift of Mary” shelter, entrusted with little responsibilities here and there, as well as being gifted the liberty to serve as needed, just by being available. The kind welcome of the Sisters and their entrustment of responsibility to me (such a driving the whole crew on visitations, very early on – yikes!!!), really helped me find a way through my grief and I felt super comfortable and trusting of them from the beginning. My exposure to them and their witness of Our Lord’s Most Sacred Heart was absolutely the catalyst that led to my rediscovery of the Catholic Church, and Jesus in general. To me – you Sisters – in your simplicity, kindness, love, and joy (as well as “hardcoredness” – if that is a word?!!), are the most perfect example of living the Gospel that I have ever seen. Having had the opportunity to begin formation with the Lay MCs also (for almost 2 years now), I have studied what has been available to me of the Missionaries of Charity charism, including the history of the order and the life of St. Mother Teresa – as yes, I really believe in the charism and feel very strongly that, given that many people have a fundamental distrust of the Catholic Church (as I did for many years), the world is in desperate need of the Missionaries of Charity Sisters to be an absolute witness of the real truth of the Gospel – in a way that makes sense to all peoples, all cultures.

I am convinced that I am not really living up to my full potential as a disciple of Christ – that my “valve” of compassion/charity is only partially open with what I’m pursuing right now. Then, with regards to the last question (my future actions) – the thought – “what if I do have what it takes to be a Sister with this order?” – and the responsibility that I have to be true to this or, at least, follow through on this discernment. Often I think of meeting Jesus in my personal judgment and I, more than anything else in the world, want Him to be pleased with what I have done for Him. And so, after much prayer and some consultation with my spiritual directors, I am ready to pursue this discernment wholeheartedly, just for the simple reason of wanting to please the Lord (and I also imagine it will be fun – I see much joy and adventure, fighting “The Good Fight” ☺).

A word on where I am at spiritually – I have only a year and a half of receiving the Eucharist but have been engaged full on in this journey for almost 3 years – with Catechism study, prayer, reading the Saints, the Bible, listening, meditating, reflecting, journaling, frequent Communion, confession, committed Holy hours, serving at my parish and with the Sisters. I have learned a lot and grown a lot (it has been a special time) – and I feel like I am where I need to be at this point, though I’m sure I have just barely scraped the surface!!

So, as I hope you can see here, from the moment I decided to become a nurse at age 21, I have always been drawn to serve the poorest of the poor in various capacities. Maybe I was drawn to Jesus in them, even if I didn’t yet know it? The big difference now (like night and day) is that I am fed by The Most Holy Eucharist, of Jesus working in and through me – whereas before, I was powered on self-reliance, often running on empty and beginning to break down, within my spirit, over these exposures to the sorrows of the world.

Regarding our poorest of the poor, I also shared with Sr. Faustine that for the past 20 years – during my varied work history (nurse, ambulance worker, domestic violence shelter worker, halfway house worker, special needs teacher…) – I believe that I have indeed been driven to satiate Jesus’ thirst in this disguise: even though I didn’t really know it at the time, I knew that feeling of inner consolation and grace flowing through me during certain moments.

O Lord, let me be broken for you. Let me be spent according to the intentions of Your Divine Will. Oh Lord, may I not waste my life. I have not worked as I should have worked, I have not used the gifts and graces You have given me as I should have done. Always I am thinking of what you will say to me at my judgement – above all and everything, I want You to be pleased with me. And so I give myself to you – a scarred and lowly sacrifice – for Your Kingdom, to do some good, Lord, to make You happy. If You will, Lord, You can drop me in this pool of the Missionaries of Charity charism, that united with my sisters, I can satiate Your thirst for our consecrated, undivided hearts and to draw from this pool to satiate Your thirst in the poorest of the poor.