Nigel

American Samoa, I have always thought of going deeper into my faith, as a cradle Catholic. I was raised in a strong Catholic household, with strong Catholic values, and a strong family that is rooted in a Christ centered bond. I have always remembered waking up early for Mass on an Ordinary Sunday as a Child. I was always, if I remember correctly, the person that would wake up my whole family for Mass. Though, they would always get annoyed by it since I start waking everyone up for Mass 2 hours early. I was always interested in my Catholic faith ever since I was young. It is safe for me to say that I started my vocation discernment at an early stage in life. Unlike many other vocation stories, that explains the unawareness of one’s calling, mine is different, I have always been aware of my calling at an early stage.

Practicing the faith at an early stage in life made me discern a vocation to the ministerial Priesthood. There is something extremely spiritual that is attached to the celebration of Mass, that called me to the Priesthood. I call it something that is beyond our intellectual understanding, something that one cannot explain. I started discerning the vocation to the priesthood all the way up to middle school. Unfortunately, there have been times where the level of discernment increases and decreases. It increases when I am in Church, when I am in presence of a liturgical event, marian, or Corpus Christi processions. However, it decreases whenever I entertain the devil’s malicious temptations. I have experienced a lot of decreasing levels of discerning my vocation within High School, where I try to fit into what my peers and my close friends were up to. It was hard to follow, but I knew very well that those events that led up to the decreasing levels of my discernment is not what God has called me to do.

There are signs that the Lord brings to us, that makes His will visible to us through the power of the Holy Spirit. I have had those moments where I feel like I do not belong to where I was at because it is not God’s will for me, but mine. Peer pressure is something that made me reconsider my discernment to the vocation of the Priesthood. At the start of this story I have mentioned that I have moved from American Samoa to the United States during Covid. I have had a culture shock experience when I first moved to the United States, in particular to the state of Oregon. Getting enrolled in High School in the United States brought me more into peer pressure. I started to reevaluate my appearances to those around me, trying to look appealing so that my friends and my classmates would approve of me. However there was that one spark feeling that I still had within me that is connected to myself discerning a vocation to the priesthood.

As I have mentioned before, I describe my discernment process in different increasing and decreasing levels, where I have the increasing level of feeling called to the priesthood, and on the other hand, the decreasing level of not feeling called to the priesthood, as a result of entertaining the temptations of the devil or as a result of peer pressure, trying to fit in with the secular culture. Throughout my third and fourth year of High School in Oregon, I had trouble spiritually, I cared less about my faith and praying but more about myself. After a long period of trying to fit in, I stood back and evaluated myself from what I was doing, that is when I got back into my spiritual life in the Catholic Faith, and back into the increasing levels of discerning a vocation to the priesthood. After this moment within my life, I got myself enrolled into the altar server ministry of my local parish at the time, I felt called to the altar server ministry, which eventually led me deeper into discerning. Before I started taking courses at the University of Oregon I started getting deep into my faith, searching for unity and oneness with the Lord, which led me to go deeper into my faith and discover the Carmelite religious order and their way of life. This has of course led me to discern with the Discalced Carmelite Friars. I took a couple of come and see retreats at their monasteries to discern whether it is my calling or not, then I later on came to the conclusion that it is my calling, to serve the Lord and the Church, through the religious priesthood, under the Carmelite order. I was wrestling with the idea of whether to drop out of college at the time or not, but the Lord has made it clear to me that I have to finish what I have started first, before I apply to enter the Carmelite order, to do His will. During my senior year of college which is my current year in college, I started speaking to my vocations director in regards to applying. The application was offered to me after I had my first come and see retreat but I hesitated to apply at the time, until towards the end of my education journey in college.

After applying I waited about a month for the admissions team to get back to me, in which they did, with the joy of informing me that I have been accepted to join the Discalced Carmelite order. My decision to apply was not made lightly, it started with a desire of being united with the Lord through living contemplatively. Which has brought me to this day. May God’s holy will be done in my life.