Kaitlin

whole life in service to others. My heart was filled with excitement and curiosity but I was terrified. I vividly remember going to confession that year and crying as I confessed that I did not want to do God’s will for my life. Laughing, the priest asked what that might be. I told him I did not want to be a nun and he encouraged me that he would pray for me but that I was too young to be worried and that Jesus would be with me. Through the grace of the sacrament I was able to stop dwelling on the fear of a potential call and didn’t spend much time thinking about it more. A few years later in the 7th grade we were challenged to write a poem for a Serra Club vocations contest. I wrote a poem from the perspective of asking Jesus for guidance to know what my calling is and I won. As I’ve continued on this journey of discernment it stands as a beautiful reminder to me of how clearly the Lord has been slowly and steadily guiding my heart to recognize my unique gifts and how I am called to joyfully live a life of love, unabashedly Catholic and fully myself.

In high school when I was preparing to receive the sacrament of confirmation I remember having a conversation with my sponsor that I still wondered if I had a religious vocation. I knew that I had a deep desire to grow in holiness and intimacy with the Lord, more so than my peers, and wondered if that meant that I was called to more radically live out my faith. She did not negate it per-se but definitely did not encourage it. I left it at that and continued to grow in knowledge of myself and the Lord. I began attending St. Edward’s University and fell even more deeply in love with our rich Catholic faith and serving others. Through my involvement in a vibrant campus ministry program the Lord opened up many opportunities to travel the world on mission and asked me to begin leading worship. These experiences helped me recognize that the gift of serving others is not my primary mission in life. I am first and foremost a daughter of Christ and do not have to earn his love. This was a hard lesson but propelled me into a beautiful and ongoing season of discovering a deep and exciting adventure that is falling in love with Jesus. I began seeking the sacraments, attending daily mass as often as I could, confession once a month, and adoration as often as possible.

Many years later my season of active discernment began. During Holy Week 2020 my friend invited me to join her on a virtual silent retreat. This retreat introduced me to Ignatian spirituality and silent retreats which ignited my prayer life. As I continued to fall more deeply in love with the Lord I began to feel a call to be His. One afternoon while visiting Jesus in the blessed sacrament, I said a quick prayer asking Jesus to make it possible for me to meet my future husband sooner rather than later. Very clearly I heard him chuckle and ask me a question that changed my life, “Do you know that you can have joy with me as a sister?” I thought he was joking but contacted my spiritual director who invited me to attend a discernment program through the Archdiocese of Galveston, Houston. This program served to deepen my prayer life and taught me how to begin discerning well. Upon completion I was invited to experience living life in community with other women in the diocese for a couple of weeks with the vocations office. Even after this experience I knew I was called to intimacy with Christ but did not have clarity on what that looks like vocationally. I just assumed I was called to married life. I spent the next year and a half actively discerning marriage. After many failed dates and spending quite a bit on various dating apps I felt utterly spent. One day in prayer I realized that Jesus never promised me marriage and my heart shifted. I spent the next few months diving into scripture and learning just what the Lord has promised. This catapulted me into years of growing more and more deeply in love with the Lord through contemplative prayer and silent retreats.

Though I continued to seek clarity on my vocation, I felt the Lord would never answer me. I finally realized I was asking the wrong question. Because I was grasping at clarity of what my vocation is, I was missing the greatest gift, Jesus himself. I spent the next few years investing in prayer and falling more and more deeply in prayer.

One Sunday afternoon about four years ago the vocations director for the diocese was in town and asked to speak with me. In this conversation he challenged me to rethink my call to religious life. Though I explained I had a desire at that time to be married and a mom, he challenged me to reexamine where God was leading based on my active prayer life and desire for holiness. He spoke about the beauty of living in union with Jesus, experiencing Heaven on Earth here and now, rather than waiting for that union later. Though I challenged him explaining we are all called to holiness, this encounter opened the door for me to be really honest in prayer and challenged me to wrestle it out with Jesus. Though I knew the truth of the universal call to holiness, this encounter forced me to grapple with what I truly desire. Ultimately it is because of this conversation that I was propelled into an even deeper desire for intimacy in prayer and openness to a potential call to religious life.

Two years ago these beautiful sisters, the Salesian Sisters of St. John Bosco, visited my parish for vacation Bible school. As I learned more about St. John Bosco I was invigorated by his passion for working with children and his beautiful preventative method. Upon meeting and working with the sisters I remember remarking that I make more sense. I felt that for the first time I was working with people who “got it” but did not think much more about it.

Later that month I went on a silent retreat that opened me up again to the possibility of having a religious vocation. While on retreat I had incredible encounters with the Lord where he so tenderly opened my heart to the possibility of a religious vocation. After visiting the sisters and seeing the way they live out their charism of working with the youth and inviting them into a personal encounter with the Lord through authentic relationship and fun, I felt at home. I love witnessing how they engage with children and live fully alive as they share the joy of the Gospel. I am drawn by how each sister is authentically themselves, living in the joy of being loved as a unique daughter, and how they strive to see/honor/love each person they encounter as a unique and beloved child of God. As I began learning more about the joy and beauty of religious life through continual discernment with the Salesian Sisters of St. John Bosco, I recognized that Jesus has gifted me with a sensitive heart that is full of love and I desire to have an undivided heart for Jesus. Though I am nervous about this next step in this adventure, I trust that the Lord is leading me and calling me into a deeper union with him and to share the fruits of that union with his children. It is for love of Jesus alone that I have the courage to take this step.

As you can see, I have been on a really beautiful and intimate walk with the Lord for my whole life. By the grace of God I have pretty consistently held an openness and receptivity to growing in both knowledge of God and in love with Him. All of my life experiences have helped me to develop a deeper understanding of God’s character and shaped the way I pray and understand not only his call for my life but his desire for me to know him and be known by him.

He is truly my best friend. I just desire more and more of him above all else and am resting in his arms and trying to remain obedient and take the next right step. Reflecting back on all these little ways God has been guiding me to be open to a call to religious life, I am in awe of his tenderness and patience. As I have grown in faith I have been reminded again and again of the truth that God moves slowly and in stages. This is certainly true in my life. I pray that my story is a testament to the adventure and joy of saying yes to God’s invitation to seek him and be known by him. As a young adult it often feels like there is a ton of pressure to find clarity on your vocation. I pray my story encourages you to trust the process and know that the Lord, in his tenderness and mercy, often holds back on the answer to encourage deeper trust and union with him. That being said, he never holds himself back from his little ones. Though this is certainly challenging in the moment, for this, I am eternally grateful. Thank you for taking the time to read my story. God bless!