The story of one's vocation is ultimately the story of falling in love with god.
Teresa shares her vocational discernment and falling in love with the Lord:
As a child, I was blessed to grow up in a home that fostered a love for
God and a desire to do His will, though in childish rebellion I frequently protested attending Mass or praying at home. However, in middle school, urged by my older sister, I attended a Catholic summer camp and encountered God powerfully and personally in Adoration. I received the grace of a conviction that God is real and if He is real then I must give Him everything. It was not a life transformation overnight but there was certainly a heart shift and I began to value Mass, the Sacraments, and prayer more. Over time, I grew in virtue and love of the Sacraments and prayer (especially by the encouragement of my older sister, Sarah).
As an 8th grader, I suddenly became convinced of a call to religious life. I’m still unsure where this came from because at this point I had no desire for it. But I prayed that the Lord would turn my heart to desire His will. After wrestling with and overthinking the question of vocation for about a year and going on a trip to visit several convents, I set it aside and determined I must not be called to religious life because I desired too much to be a mother and wife.
My senior year of high school, I studied abroad in Poland and without a good community, I lost my daily prayer life and for a time grew distant from God. Upon returning to the US, the witness of my sister’s virtue and joy called me to repentance and I returned to the Lord.
Because of my lapse in daily prayer in Poland, I was determined that I would not make the same mistakes in college so I readily committed to daily Mass and Adoration. Over the next few years, my love for the Lord continued to grow quietly but strongly until I was in my 3rd year in college.
That spring I was sitting in Adoration and realizing that I never wanted to live a life where I couldn’t be in Adoration at least an hour a day. Thinking of my mother’s life, I knew most moms don’t get to have that luxury. It was as if the Lord was inviting me to re-open the door to religious life. This time, I opened the door readily and with great trust. There was very little wrestling involved–though I was still unsure if I was called to religious life, I trusted that the Lord would lead me where I was called and that He was leading me this way for a reason.
After 9 months of being open to this vocation in prayer and intentionally visiting a few religious orders, I was on a retreat with the Handmaids of the Heart of Jesus in New Ulm, MN. A sister shared a testimony of her spiritual motherhood and spiritual espousal with Christ. It was like something clicked in my heart and I knew it was enough. I knew that being a spiritual bride and mother was enough for my heart and in fact was the only thing that would satisfy my heart.
There was a definite shift in the way I discerned religious life after that retreat. I was no longer someone simply open to religious life, but committed to it and simply looking for the order that the Lord was calling me to.
Over the next couple of years, I visited a few more orders but did not feel the Lord calling me to any of them. In January of 2022, in prayer, I was talking to God about all of the dreams I have for my life: I want to travel to so many countries and speak so many languages and do so many types of ministry and I couldn’t possibly imagine how all of these dreams could be possible in one lifetime. And so I asked the Lord, “How do you want to fulfill these desires?” and I felt a still small voice suggest, “What if the fulfillment of these desires, is actually in the denial of them?” I was shocked but took a moment to ponder this. Just like my desire for Motherhood would actually be most fulfilled in the denial of its earthly expression, what if all of my desires were the same way? I continued to ponder this in prayer for weeks. I knew that the denial meant cloistered life but I did not know any cloisters. The closest thing I knew of, was an order of active Carmelites in California. So I reached out to them. After one phone call we discerned I should visit. While I was with them, I did not want their active life of mission at all (which was very odd for me because I am normally very excited about the opportunity to serve others), but I couldn’t get enough of their life of prayer.
As I left my visit with the Carmelites of the Sacred Heart of Los Angeles, I knew that the Carmelite Spirituality had stolen my heart and I began to search for a Carmelite Cloister that I might inquire with. I was quickly able to find out about the existence of the Carmelite Cloister in Lake Elmo but it was quite the project to find any contact information for them. It was February of 2023 before I finally called the Cloister and began conversations with Mother about discerning with them.
My initial inquiries were riddled with fear – I was afraid of the mystery of these nuns, afraid of leaving my family, afraid of the life of penance – but something kept urging me on. For some reason, I knew I had to keep inquiring and I couldn’t let fear hold me back. In March, when I came for my first official visit to the speak room and met Mother Marie Anges and Mother Marie, all fear melted away. I saw the joy on their faces and the peace in their hearts and I knew that they knew the same Jesus that I knew. I drove away from that first visit unsure how I felt but as the weeks passed, God continued to invite me to pursue this extreme and exclusive gift of self.
By the time I returned for a visit in May of 2023, I was fairly convicted of a call to the cloistered Carmelite life. Over the last two years I have continued to discern with them, and in April of 2025 I was finally accepted. My heart leaps for joy to think of this quiet and tucked away life of penance with my beloved and I look forward to falling more and more in love with Him everyday for the rest of my life.
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