Br. Francisco, O.P.

church in general. I was terrified of the idea, partly because I was just entering my teenage years but also because I had no idea of what it meant to be a priest at the time. However, because it wasn’t a regular occurrence, I didn’t dwell on the idea too much. I continued to be an active youth group member, often trying to educate my peers in some theological topic, sharing whatever new philosophical understandings I came across. I believe this was something that kept the thought of my potentially-being-a-priest in the mind of Teresa. Of course, at the time I just thought of my love for theology as something akin to a hobby, something that I liked learning about during my spare time. It was a time where I was growing in knowledge, though not so much in wisdom. When reflecting on this time, however, it was this intense learning that led me to seek Christ; without this happening, I don’t know if I would have gone on to fall in love with Christ at all. I now know that Teresa saw this happening in the moment, and I can recognize how she saw the potential for a vocation in that time.

Everything was going smoothly during the Mass, however, something that the priest said during his homily struck me. I don’t remember what it was, but it isn’t important; all that mattered was that God had spoken to me loud and clear, “I still want you. I’m still chasing after you.” I almost started crying. I had been pushing against what happened that I forgot to stop and reflect on why it could’ve happened. The Lord wasn’t just calling me back, he was showing me that my running away was futile, He was still coming for me. I swallowed my tears, embarrassed at the thought that a friend and the older woman next to me would see me cry. I got further evidence of what the Lord was trying to do as well, because it wasn’t until then that I noticed the old woman next to me was speaking Spanish. It was something that deeply reminded me of home, something that resonated with me to my core. The Lord was telling me that He is my home. He is the one who provides, the one who leads. He was the only one who could give me rest. I had made an idol of the order. I had made an idol out of my desires. I lost sight of who to follow and began to follow a path I created. At the end of the Mass, I asked the woman where she was from in Spanish, asking if indeed I did hear her pray in Spanish. She confirmed that I had, telling me she was from Southern Mexico. She then asked, “Mijo, de donde eres? (Son, where are you from?)” I told her I was born in Mexico, and that hearing her speak Spanish reminded me of my home down in Texas. She gave me the biggest hug she could and prayed for me. It was a beautiful moment, a true gift. We said goodbye, and though I would never see her again, she was a sign that God had me covered. I didn’t have to run.

After the tour I started my final semester of college. It was my toughest one yet, having to finish writing my thesis by the time March came around. But it didn’t matter. I was at peace. I was making room for His will again. I knew that I needed to respond to my vocation in the present moment, not years later. I began to pray again for the guidance to know where to look; and after much searching, the Lord brought me to the Dominican Friars of the Central Province. It was odd feeling at home again, but there I was, in the midst of the student bothers, feeling at peace. I visited the Jesuits not long after that, but the Lord wasn’t moving me there. It was not where He was calling me, so I continued to discern with the Dominican Friars, and sure enough we both felt it was a good fit. After the summer ended, I joined my parish’s staff as the Youth and Young Adult Ministry Coordinator. It was a job that God placed in my path, and He made it very clear that this is where He wanted me to be.

Throughout my time serving at my parish, God has expanded my view of what my vocation is, and slowly, I have seen just how beautiful the uncertainty of my future is. At the beginning of my discernment and at various points afterwards, I was stubborn about my vocation being related to educating youth in an academic setting. I was convinced this was where I was supposed to end up. Though this may be true, the possibility of doing anything else was something that I never considered until recently. It’s just as a good to be at a parish. If I had not seen this before, it was because I was again putting my plans first before the Lord’s. I understood better the different ways the Lord can use me, as well as to accept what the Lord provides for me. I’m at a stage where I am at peace with potentially not being in an academic setting. I’m at peace with just going on step at the time, not worrying about what is coming in the future. I also believe that I have been naive about what it means to love as God loves. I had been in college for most of my discernment, and that mean it was easy for me to love the people around me. I only had to love my peers, the incredible priests and seminarians, my professors, and school’s staff. At my job, not only do I have to love and serve the students and young adults that I minister to, but I also have to love and serve parents, the parishioners who I don’t directly minister, my fellow staff members, and my priests.

Working closely with the priests in my parish has lit a fire in me which I cannot put out. At times it has been incredibly difficult to look at what they have done and not judge their actions; it’s frustrating to see priests act in a way that does the opposite of how they’re supposed to. In those moments I’ve become more aware of just how important it is to pray for our priests, and I often make a note of what they did with the understanding that I do not want to do that if I become a priest. In contrast however, there are many things my parish priests do which excite me and give me hope for our community, and these actions are the ones that I truly do commend them for. Whether it’s being present at almost every ministry event, putting their time and resources into connecting with their parishioners, or providing us staff members with spiritual growth opportunities, it’s all out of their love for their flock. It’s inspiring, and it revitalized my desire to serve as a priest. Serving a parish is just as noble as being a professor for a university. I’ve learned how to love better. Though I am uncertain of what the future can hold for me, I don’t fear it like I may have before. I’ve become more comfortable with it. These past several months have been nothing short of fruitful for me. I believe I have a vocation to the priesthood. I believe the Lord has led me the Dominican Friars for a reason. I’m both anxious and beyond excited to continue walking with the Lord in discovering who He is calling me to be, and I cannot help but be grateful for the beautiful journey I’ve been led through so far. I pray that it continues as He wills it.

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