All or nothing
I can hardly recall a time when I didn’t hold the priesthood in high regard. As I matured, however, the notion of becoming a priest gradually seemed less attainable. Various factors hindered my pursuit, both spiritually and practically. By my high school graduation, I dismissed the idea as a mere childhood fantasy, even asking
Our Lord to remove this desire from my heart, so that I could focus solely on my academics.
Given the lack of attraction to the most avenues for priestly formation, coupled with my conviction that Christ wished for me to serve Him in the secular world, I began to prepare as best I could for marriage. I began to date and build a career where I would be suited to raise a family. Despite my attraction to the beauty of marriage, the persistent desire to join Christ at the altar remained.
While in college I began to pray more frequently and attend daily mass. This coupled with spiritual reading rekindled the desire of a vocation. The saints and their intimate relationship with Our Lord intrigued me, and I desired to know Him as they did. Saint John of the Cross, Saint Teresa of Avila, and Teresa of Calcutta especially described a relationship that I felt drawn to. They knew His Majesty so intimately; He was the center of their existence I wanted to participate in this love. Sacred scripture pushed me towards the priesthood, especially Exodus 28:2 “And thou shalt make a holy vesture for Aaron thy brother for glory and for beauty”. This call to beauty, this call to glory, tugged at my heart and spoke to the most secret parts of my person deeper than my psychic drive. Yet, blinded by my ignorance and lack of virtue, I initially chose to disregard it.
Approximately a 2 years ago, my journey of discernment took a significant turn when I encountered the Institute of Christ the King at the Seek conference in January 2023. At that time, I was in a committed relationship and was accepted to start a master’s program at CSU, with plans to pursue a career in medicine. However, the vocation presented by the Institute beckoned to me with an undeniable force, prompting me to candidly discuss my discernment process with my then-girlfriend and ultimately leading me to withdraw from my master’s program. This decision allowed me to fully commit myself to pursue the priesthood.
My future spiritual desire and hopes of becoming a priest are founded on the priest’s way of life. I want above all things else to improve in prayer. The priest lives to pray his whole life revolves around prayer. This dedication toward constant conversation with Christ is my hope. To celebrate the mass is the apex of my desire it is the greatest prayer and to participate in this divine act even just once would be grand. Since prayer takes place in the heart my desire also is that I might be able to love more properly and completely as a priest. The priest is called to love in a way that no one else is able. To be a spouse of the Church would facilitate this love.
Complementing this relationship with the Church is the relationship with her children, whom I also desire to love. A photographer noted that there was little difference between the way Saint Teresa of Calcutta looked and acted towards the poor and the way she looked and acted when she prayed to the Eucharist. This love is something I wish to have rooted in my person to give myself over to the spiritually poor and starving.
On a more practical aspect, I have a great interest in studying scripture and the traditional liturgy of the Church. These things have always captured my interest and have played a large role in my spiritual life. I would like to dedicate my energy to studying these topics and discovering the many truths in them. I hope one day to know these things well enough to teach others of their beauty.
Embracing a vocation to religious life is rooted in the beauty of community, being surrounded by others who share a common mission and spirituality, alleviating any sense of loneliness. Bonds forged through shared prayer, worship, and service enrich both communal and my personal spiritual growth.
Within this community, following a common rule provides structure and guidance, offering a path toward greater holiness. This instills a peace that the world cannot offer, cultivating self-discipline and spiritual formation. Serving as a roadmap, it directs energies toward others’ service and would deepen my relationship with the divine.
Obedience, within the context of religious life, holds particular significance to me. It involves a conscious choice to align the will with the greater good and the Divine will. Through obedience, humility, trust, and a sense of surrender to the guidance of spiritual leaders the collective wisdom of the community is cultivated.
In essence, my motivation for embracing the religious life stems from a deep longing for community, a commitment to living by guidelines that foster spiritual growth, a willingness to embrace obedience as a path to spiritual growth, and an appreciation for the shared joy that comes from living in communion with others dedicated to a life of prayer and charity.
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