God didn't forget
Maria shares her vocation story:
I first felt my call to religious life at the age of fifteen, shortly after attending a retreat at the University of Steubenville where Sister Miriam James gave a talk. I recorded in my journal at the time: “I see the way Sr. Miriam looks at each of us in the crowd and loves us all as if we were all her own. I crave to experience that type of love.” I had expressed how, from that moment on, my
heart felt too big for just one person, but no quite big enough for the whole world, without Jesus.
A few weeks later, in private praise and worship in my room, Jesus confirmed this call Himself. Although I was overjoyed my heart was also being conditioned at the time that love was conditional.
Unaware, I had attempted to remedy this hurt by basing my worth on productivity in school and in life. By not trusting completely in Jesus with my whole heart, I still loved Him dearly, but not freely in the way He intended.
Therefore, I continued to practice my faith, putting my heart just out of arms reach. Anytime I cam close, I could hear its cry to belong only to Jesus, so prayer became difficult and guilt weighed me down. I lived this way for ten years, trying everything I could to make myself happy, but nothing would satisfy my heart. I realized that all of the shiny things of this world are rotting underneath, and His Heart is the only one that beats all on its own.
So, last year, in June, I made the firm decision to give everything to Him, holding nothing back. Forty-five minutes later I met the priest who would become my spiritual director. God is so patient with our own stubbornness, but so quick to bless us!
I never could have imagined the joy, peace, and love that filled my being following surrender, nor the placing of my heart in His hands and how it would lead to adventures both interiorly and in the world. He has also taken me to the darkest parts of myself and tamed the monsters that lived there while I watched. He brings light and beauty to everything He touches, as does His Mother, who has been my refuge.
Three months after my discernment began, I visited the Little Sisters of the Poor in Hartford. It was there that I was told by a sister to look into the Mercedarians, as she felt I should reach out to your order. I immediately felt drawn, as the night before asked myself why I wanted to be a sister, and my answer was so clear to me: The Eucharist.
The next few months I grew to Jesus and Mary closer than I’ve ever been, was hired full-time as a TA in a K-8th Catholic School, continued going to vocational events and fostering a heart ready to serve. This time of discernment has been so beautiful as I’ve been able to discover how the Father made my heart to love, and how deeply I desire to free my students from the lies that keep them hostage, as I was when I was young.
For these reasons and more, visiting the Mercedarians of the Blessed Sacrament felt like being called by every name I had ever wanted to be known as, even ones from when I was young and had forgotten. God didn’t forget.
