I found a love that we do not deserve
I was raised in the small town of Rushford, Minnesota, where the importance of community was instilled in me from a young age. I grew up in a loving Catholic family with my parents and two brothers where I was first introduced to the faith. As a family, we would attend Sunday Mass and pray before meals. As a child I would pray for a sister, and now I can see that God has
responded one hundred-fold.
Upon graduation from high school, I attended Saint Mary’s University of Minnesota located in Winona, Minnesota. I quickly met students who were passionate about their faith and began attending campus ministry events. During Eucharistic Adoration on a retreat my freshman year, I experienced the grace of knowing in my heart that Jesus was truly present in the Eucharist before me. Following this experience, I desired to learn more and go deeper with my faith. The next year, I signed up for a Catholic Theology course taught by the diocesan bishop and was shocked on the first day of class when a Religious Sister of Mercy walked in and sat next to me. I had never met a religious sister before and did not really know what religious life was, let alone that it was an option. Sister and I would talk before class each day, and many of my preconceived notions vanished. Partway through the semester, Sister passed me a note in the middle of class. I realized that no one else was receiving a note from her; I slipped it into my backpack. After class, I hurried to read it; it was an invitation to her community’s local convent for Holy Hour and dinner with the Sisters. Intrigued, I attended and my honest first impression was that they were all so normal! Shortly afterwards, I decided that they were not normal at all. They were the most peaceful and joyful women that I had ever met! I learned about their community and how in addition to the three vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, the Religious Sisters of Mercy take a fourth vow of service to the poor, sick, and ignorant. Many of the Sisters serve in a variety of apostolates with a focus on healthcare and education. I was in awe when I met one who was a practicing physician and I realized that you could be both a Sister and a doctor. Although I had a positive experience, I never considered even for a second that I could be called to religious life. I had many plans for my life including being a wife, mother, and physician, and I continued to work hard to achieve them.
One night I was walking through my dorm back to my room as I said “hello” to a group of students sitting in the lounge. They explained that they were just about to start their women’s bible study session and asked if I wanted to join. Feeling a little intimidated, I initially declined and explained that I was tired and just about to go to bed. They pleaded, saying that I didn’t need to stay the whole time. I agreed to stay for 5 minutes. An hour and a half later, I left realizing that these women had a joy and relationship with Christ that I wanted. One Monday morning I was convinced that I had to go to Mass that day. I was confused why I was so preoccupied with the need to attend Mass on a weekday. By the end, I had such peace that I was where I was meant to be that I knew I needed to come back. I started attending daily Mass and spending time in the chapel for prayer.
I developed a deep desire for more prayer in my life, and in particular, in the presence of the Eucharist. I would long to visit the chapel throughout my day, and I would leave with a greater peace than I could receive anywhere else. I began working on growing in trust in the Lord, entrusting small parts of my life to Him. As time went on, I began to realize that if I truly trust Him, I needed to trust Him with my whole life. I started to ask God what He desired for my future during Adoration. Initially, this looked like me presenting Him with my plans for my life hoping He would just “sign-off” on them. Feeling as though He was not confirming my plans, I received the grace to sincerely ask Him what He desired for my life. Each time that I did this, the idea of religious life and the invitation to give my life totally to Christ kept coming up.
As this tugging at my heart continued, I realized that I needed to talk to someone, but I wasn’t sure who I could possibly tell this to. I finally had the courage to tell one of the priests on campus after Mass one day. Met with such kindness and gentleness, he put me back in contact with the Sisters on campus. I began to sneak over to the convent as discreetly as possible, so no one would see me, and join the Sisters for Holy Hour and dinner. I could not get over the Sisters’ joy and peace in living a life totally dedicated to the Lord. One of the Sisters and I would go for a weekly walk, and I was able to share with her everything that I was experiencing. It was during one of these walks that I shared about my longing to be a mother, and that I was not sure that I could give that up. As she related her experience of spiritual motherhood, I realized that she was a spiritual mother to me. I knew that regardless of my vocation, she had changed my life for the better, and did the same for so many others, too.
Although captivated by their joy, I still hoped that the Lord would call me to my original plans. One night in the chapel, I naively closed with a prayer asking Him to send me a sign if He was calling me to be a Sister or not. I walked out the door and ran into one of the Sisters. Unsatisfied, I considered walking back in the chapel to try again. I brushed it off as nothing and decided to make the same prayer a week later at Adoration. Immediately, I heard a rustling at the end of my pew, and I looked over to find another one of the Sisters greeting me with a beaming smile and wave. Another week went by, and I decided to try again thinking I was safe as I had shown up at a new time. Once again, my prayer was followed by a Sister greeting me with a smile and sliding into my pew. I decided to stop asking for signs and reminded the Lord of my plans hoping He would “sign-off” on them this time. As time went on, I received the grace to desire to surrender my plans and desires trusting that He alone could satisfy them abundantly.
Following graduation, I began a year of research at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. During this time, I was surrounded by many faithful young adults who helped me to continue to open my heart to the Lord. I continued to feel drawn to the service of medicine, desiring to care for patients in mind, body, and spirit which led me to apply and interview for medical school.
As I began medical school at Creighton University, the tugging at my heart continued to influence my discernment of the Lord’s will for my life. I traveled to the community’s Motherhouse located in Alma, MI for a visit. As I spent time with the postulants and novices, the newest members of the community, I witnessed their zeal in all activities from cooking to snowball fights to frequent prayer. There was a sense of being home as I engaged in the daily life of the community. I could envision myself in the community and I desired to return.
After this visit, I spent many hours reflecting with awe at how the Lord had worked throughout my life to lead me to little Alma for a visit. When I was with the Sisters, I felt as though I was the most myself. I admired their rootedness in their primary identity as Brides of Christ and recognized the fruit that flowed from their life of prayer into their apostolates. Their mission of comprehensive healthcare resonated with the way my heart desired to care for the physical, spiritual, mental, and intellectual needs of those I serve. Through their charism of mercy, I found a love that we do not deserve, but that God freely gives as a convergence point between heaven and earth.
My spiritual director helped me to look back over my discernment and recognize the consolations of peace and joy as I move forward with my discernment and the desolations of fear and doubt when I would resist and try to walk away from the call. In prayer I realized that Jesus had captured my heart in such a way that I desired to offer Him my entire life. Drawing on these consolations and experiences gave me the courage to proceed with taking a leave of absence from medical school to enter into formation with the Religious Sisters of Mercy of Alma, MI. Thanks be to God, I have now completed my Postulancy and Novitiate and had the great joy and privilege to profess first vows on August 15th, 2025! My current apostolate is to continue my medical school studies, to God willing, one day serve the medical needs of the poor.
